


To Burn for Her.

by Ju_uh_piter



Category: Berserk
Genre: F/M, Half-Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:33:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ju_uh_piter/pseuds/Ju_uh_piter
Summary: Farnese finds something that brings her back to her childhood and uses it as an excuse to confront Serpico about their relationship.





	To Burn for Her.

The night was unpleasantly cold, but as usual, Serpico was silent about his discomfort. He was there to serve Lady Farnese, a duty that could not be dismissed, not matter how hard the icy wind bit into his flesh. The fancy clothes he wore seemed useless, they hardly kept him warm, but he tried to let them suffice. In if it wasn’t true, it was better to pretend they were enough. It looked like Farnese had no intention to go home anytime soon.

She walked in front of him, her expression surprisingly fierce. Its seriousness was in neat contrast with her own soft look, her face resembling the one of a doll. Despite the light armour she wore, she remained small in appearance.  
_Like a child pretending to be a soldier._ It was normal to think that in front of her, but Serpico knew better. The truth was much darker. As they proceeded among the snow, his mind went back to their past, to the bittersweet memories they both shared.

They had met in a day like this. The weather was the same, but their roles reversed; Farnese had been the one saving him that one time.

_He was laying in the cold snow, barely aware of his surrounding and ready to let himself be buried in its cold embrace when she had appeared. His vision was foggy like in a dream, and that noble girl stood in front of him like a mystic apparition of some sort. There was no pity in her eyes, but rather a weird curiosity. She stared at him like a child trying to decide whatever or not to accept a new toy._

That much he remembered, though his memories were probably confused after all those years. 

_When Serpico had woken up, Farnese was taking care of him. But if her action could be classified as kind, her tone wasn’t: “I saved you, so your life belongs to me now.” There was something of definitive in her voice, and most people wold have found a similar affirmation to be unsettling in all its seriousness, but his child-self had had no words of complaints. Back then it almost felt like a fair deal._

Becoming her personal servant, wasn’t something he had expected, yet he struggled to imagine another present for himself. So many years of his life had been spent for her, serving her and adapting to the person she was. It wasn’t always easy to stay by Farnese’s side. Sometimes her orders and actions became dark, painful even; though Serpico didn’t feel like calling his mistress cruel, he could recognize some of her actions were. Maybe it wasn’t her fault, yet that was what has pushed away so many before his arrival.

The same lady that dances with him during the balls, grasping on his arms with desperation, was the same person that would punish him when not pleased by his performance—mostly in duels he had never planned to be part of—and kiss his open wounds. She liked him like that, that was what Farnese had said. 

It wasn’t always easy to guess what went through her time; even if Serpico knew her well, most of the times he could only take a guess and hope his intuition had been right. Like that moment, for example: what impulse had brought her to drag him out in that awful weather?

His train of thought was interrupted by his mistress’ voice: “Serpico, come closer.”He obliged without adding a word.

As soon as he was by her side, Farnese elegantly raised her arm to point at something. Following her index, Serpico could identify a darkened shape among the candid snow. It resembled a burnt birdcage. Looking up he finally noticed an eerily familiar tree… A shiver ran down his back at the memories of a _certain_ night. 

“I found it yesterday, I can’t believe it survived all these years. Do you remember what that is?”

 He did, and it wasn’t a pleasant thought. She had accused her pet bird of not loving her and burned it alive in front of his eyes. He could only guess the cage had been forgotten in the woods for years, hidden in the grounds, until the weather had cracked the soil open to reveal its carcass. 

“Yes, I do, the tree was your altar.” His answer was short and immediate, like to be expected from someone in his position. They might have given him a title, but it was still her servant and guard.

Farnese seemed pleased by his reply, but a new emotion soon replaced her satisfaction. There was a dark shadow covering her features, perhaps it was regret, perhaps worry. She poked the cage, or what was left of it, at least, with the tip of a boot.

“Do you also remember why I did it?”   
Her servant nodded again.  
“Do you think that makes me a monster?”

The question took Serpico by surprise; he had always thought his lady didn’t particularly care about his opinion of her. Not after what had happened. While it was undeniable her behaviour toward him was changing, there was still something of egotistical in the way she approached him. She had asked him to stay with sweet words, but that was while tending wounds _she_ had opened for _her_ own pleasure. He was sure she still regarded him as her _possession_ , and that surely affected the way her feelings for him—whatever their nature was—were developing.

His feelings for her were a complicate matter, too. The truth was he didn’t know how to feel about her. Despite her abuses, she had basically been his only company through most of his life. Sometime sit felt like they were two faces of the same medals, bound to be together forever, completing each other. She hurt him, but she was also the one that let him live.

That pain was starting to feel like part of his existence _, Farnese_ was part of his existence. A part of him wasn’t as repulsed by it either. There was still that unspeakable need to stay close to her. Maybe it was simply fear of the unknown, but Serpico liked to believe it was something meaningful. At least for him, that was the truth.

Did he see her as a monster? No. The other did, perhaps, but he couldn’t bring himself to word a similar accuse.   
“No, I don’t. Why are you asking this, lady Farnese? It’s something wrong?”  
“I’ve just been thinking a lot lately, then I found this place and it brought back so many memories. When I look back, I see way too many things I would change.”

“If you don’t hate me,” the lady added after a brief pause, taking a deep breath as if to find the courage to talk, “why didn’t you leave with me? And if you do hate me, why you keep standing by my side?

The silence that fell between them was stiff and heavy, and Serpico felt it all. His expression finally changed, hesitation showing. The mask was off.

The answer was anything but easy; the very moment of the refusal she spoke about still painfully impressed in his memory.

  _Farnese had gracefully allowed the dress to fall down, revealing her body and exposing it to the cold. Her skin was almost as candid as the snow that surrounded her. She looked softer than ever, vulnerable like she had never been. It was inviting, but he didn’t move: he knew shouldn’t have fallen for that temptation, no matter how strong._

_They were related, and that was something he couldn’t forget, even if the warmth or body was inviting him to pretend she wasn’t his sister. He hadn’t realized how much he craved that contact. Leaving with her was a surprisingly appealing proposal, but Serpico forced himself to refuse her before it was too late, for both their sakes._

_As soon as her warm form abandoned him, he started to regret it. He couldn’t deny a part of him ached to be lost and damned with her._

“Lady Farnese, you should know my duty is to protect you. Leaving with your own servant would surely destroy your reputation. You’d be alone.”

Serpico didn’t know why he had never told he the truth—their father wasn’t there to hear him—but he simply couldn’t: he knew that would repulse her, stop her affection and permanently change their relationship, and, deep down, he didn’t want anything to change. That was a sin, his sin, but he was ready to burn in hell for it; if that meant staying with Farnese, he was willing to pay. She was all that was left, his life was gift to her.

“If you give yourself to your guard— “his voice hesitated, there was hint of emotion it,”—there would be no going back. Would you really abandon your life as a noble?”

He shouldn’t have asked that, but he hoped the answer would be positive. How egoistical of him. They truly were more similar than they had imagined.

Farnese’s eyes pierced him shortly after. There were tears in their corners, shiny, lonely and perfect. Serpico felt an ache in his chest, but before he could reach for her she spoke again. “That’s not the life I want, Serpico, I _wanted_ to leave…Even now I want to. But I can’t do that alone.”

Without saying anything, her servant sled hand around her side, a hint she eagerly accepted, burying her head on his shoulder. It had been a while since she had sought that kind of comfort, she had missed it even. A soft sigh escaped her lips but it was immediately suffocated by Serpico’s shoulder. She almost leaned entirely against him.  
“Lady Farnese...”  
She didn’t answer. Serpico felt the need to do it for her.

“I didn’t want to refuse you,” he admitted, already feeling the weight of the sin he was about to commit. It was worth it, though. “I _do_ want you, I was, I am just protecting you.”  
He looked at her, brushing her check with a hand. That closeness… It was like that night. The ending would be different, though. He was determined to not let her run away.

Farnese looked into his eyes, opened for once, for few seconds; the intensity of that glare enough to burn him. There was a mix of determination and newfound desire.   
“But _that’s_ the life I want. I have no intention to go back, I told you I meant to escape. I _need_ you, to be my sword and guide.”   
Her hand, too, caressed his cheek, and she leaned in. Serpico had no regret and took the chance, accepting her lips and the damnation they brought. They were softer than he had imagined. His mistress seemed as content as him, immediately inviting him to continue. The kiss was short and desperate, they held onto each other as if it was the only way to survive—which was true, in a certain sense.   
Not even the awareness the taboo he was leading her to unknowingly break could prevent him from enjoying every second of it.

Farnese pulled back, catching her breath, nestled in her arms. She looked more peaceful than before. “Let’s go back home, for the last time.”

Serpico nodded.

It was the start of their life and of his damnation, but he didn’t care.

He was willing to burn in hell with her.

_Forever._

That was the price he was willing to pay to follow her, that was his sole aim.  


**Author's Note:**

> So here it comes, a quick gift for a friend and a way to fight my Writer's block. I think I'll write for this fandom again: there is an awfully small amount of works in its section and this must change...


End file.
